Depression Guide.
I've wanted to write this entry for a long time.
During the last couple of years, I've suffered on and off from depression, and I learned a lot during that time about what it is, what it makes people feel, and most importantly, things you can do to fight your way out of it. I have a number of notebooks devoted to this subject, but never did much of anything with that information.
So here it is, a small sampling of what I've learned, which I hope will serve as a helpful guide for anyone grappling with it, or wanting to know more about it, or wanting to understand what someone goes through who does have depression.
I stress, however, that this is only one person's experience with it, not to mention a person who is neither a doctor nor psychiatrist. But these are things that worked for me and information I came by over the course of it, so I hope it helps in some small way, if only from the perspective of knowing that I've been there, in the deepest of dark depressions, and I'm living proof that you can get past it.
On Depression and Being Depressed
Support from friends and loved ones helps. It helps to know that someone out there cares and is rooting for you and believes that you can get through this.
But.
Only you can do what it takes to get out of depression. No one can do it for you, no matter how much they love you or how desperately they want to help, and if they keep trying, they're going to end up feeling frustrated and you're going to feel more hopeless than before, because shouldn't this person who loves you so much be able to help, if nothing else will?
But it's you, and only you, who can dig yourself out of this. And it starts with a decision. For some people, it happens when you hit rock bottom and get scared. For me, it was a combination of things, and took me over three years to finally start digging myself out. But I know that there was a moment when I realized, If I keep going like this, I'm going to die. One of these times, that stubborn, instinctive will to live just isn't going to be enough, and I'm going to die.
And for all that I suffered, I didn't want to die. I don't think anyone who thinks about suicide does. You don't want to die, you want things to get better. And guess what? They can't get better when you're dead.
If you're looking for the world to stop bitchslapping you and kicking you when you're down, it ain't gonna happen. If you're looking for people to stop hurting you, intentionally or unintentionally, for the world to suddenly start being a perfect place where everything goes your way and you're never unhappy, don't hold your breath.
The world is imperfect, and so is everybody in it, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.
I've been in places where I was sure I would never feel better. I've been in places where I was sure I would never be happy, and it was the thought of that bleak future that kept my thoughts drifting back to dying. But let me say it again: I didn't want to die. I wanted things to get better.
And things getting better started with me.
You have to choose. You have to decide that enough is enough and start working. You have the power to get out of this, and you're the only one who does. Everyone else--parents, brothers, sisters, friends, lovers, psychiatrists, priests, whoever--can only take you so far. Eventually it's all you, JUST you, and you have to be brave and walk down that road to recovery alone.
I'm getting kind of impassioned here, it would seem. :P But it's all true, and I can say it because I made that decision and went down that road and came out of it a little scathed, but okay. Good.
If you want to feel better, there are things you can do.
Medication is scary, but it really does work. Talk to your doctor about your symptoms, if they're the kind that have been bothering you for a long time or leave you feeling like suicide is an option. Explore every option. St. John's Wort comes in a handy tea form that got me through a hundred days when I thought I was condemned to being in that dark, bleak place.
Or if medication is just too terrifying for you right now (and it honestly took me years and my whole world falling apart to finally decide to go on it), there are other things you can do.
I used to make an Action Plan for when I felt myself sinking into depression. You can always feel it coming. Or if you can't, start paying attention. When you're depressed, don't just say, "I feel crappy." Pay attention to exactly how you feel. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Know what the signs are when you start slipping into that place, and form a plan of action for when you do.
There are things that work to bring you out of depression--you know this, because you don't live in that state all the time. There are times when you're happy, and times when you go from feeling like shit to feeling better, good even.
Sometimes it's as simple as talking to someone you trust about your feelings, or talking about something completely unrelated. There might be a book you read or a movie you watch or a crazy musical about Japanese tennis players that never fails to cheer you up.
Physical activity is a must. When you're depressed, you just want to sit around and sink deeper and deeper. The thought of movement is almost painful. So get up. Move around. Walk, run, do yoga, do jumping jacks. Get your heart rate going, get endorphins flowing. It helps, it really does.
If you have St. John's Wort or a mood-lifter of that kind, take a dose.
In general, make things as comfortable for yourself as you can. Treat yourself like a dear friend who is sick. Pamper yourself. Focus on making yourself as comfortable as possible, like you would if you were ill. Fuzzy bathrobe, tea, a hot bath, aromatherapy candles, your favorite food, your favorite movie, whatever.
Something inherent in depression is a self-destructive tendency to let yourself suffer. You can't help feeling this way, but there are steps you can take to make it better. And focusing on treating yourself well can do a lot to alter your mood.
In general with depression, pay attention to how much sleep you're getting. Enough sleep can be the difference between a day that goes well and one that spirals into a dark depressive state. Sleep or the lack of it affects mind and body more than you'd think, and it's vital to get as much as you can when you're in a bad mental place.
If you have trouble sleeping, try cutting back on your caffeine intake, or only having caffeine or sugar until a certain hour of the day so it doesn't affect your sleep. You can also do vigorous exercise about an hour or so before bedtime, which will often tire you out. Or try googling "insomnia" and look for other methods--there are resources out there that can help you; you just have to find them.
Pay close attention, also, to what you're eating, and to how much you're eating. Depression can lead you to eat far less than you need, or far more. Avoid greasy things, as they just make you feel worse. Avoid heavy meals, because they make you feel heavy and tired. Eat the healthiest foods you can find, but also treat yourself every now and then with a food you really love. Comfort food. But for general meals, be careful what you eat. It, like sleep, has a hell of a lot of impact on how you feel.
Try to eat balanced meals, too. Make sure you're getting enough protein, and don't eat only starchy stuff. Protein gives you energy, and just starch can lead to lethargy. Veggies keep you feeling healthy, and same for fruit.
So. A sample Action Plan, in no particular order.
THE ACTION PLAN
- 1. Decide that you're feeling shitty and LAUNCH THE ACTION PLAN.
2. Go into a different room. <--Sometimes something as simple as a change of scenery can help.
3. Stop staring blankly at the computer/TV/whatever
4. Watch/read a good/favorite/funny/feel-good movie or book
5. Cook <--can actually be very, very therapeutic
6. Do what you do best <--for me, it's writing, but if you're an artist, draw. If you're an athlete, go work out.
7. If you haven't eaten in awhile, eat something healthy
8. If you're eating too much, force yourself to stop. It's hard not to just keep shoveling the food in, especially if it's junk, but you know it's only going to make you feel worse. If you need something in your mouth, get some gum, make a cup of tea, eat a popsicle or a lollipop--whatever. If all else fails, have something moderately healthy to snack on. Nothing greasy.
9. Go for Self-Comfort: (a) Tea (b) Bubble bath (c) Fuzzy bathrobe (d) Slippers with bunnies on them (d) Chicken soup or comfort food of some kind (e) Etc.
10. Make sure you're not listening to sad music. NO EVANESCENCE. :P If you must have music, put on something upbeat. May not help, but is at least a step in the right direction.
11. Smile. ...I know, corny. But I don't mean just lift your lips up. I mean, pretend that you have something to smile about and SMILE. Like you would if you were genuinely happy. Works best in front of the mirror. And it's kind of crazy how this actually helps you feel better, imitating how you look when you're not depressed. Worth a try, in any case.
12. Take a walk <--Even better if it's nice out, or if there's somewhere you can go to be among nature.
13. HOUSEWORK. <--Swear to god, this helps. Doing something constructive that also gets you moving around really does improve the mood.
14. Call / IM / email Support System. <--Have at least a few people who know your condition and who agree to be your supports during bad episodes. People you can talk to about how you're feeling. Even better if they know your action plan, because then they can give you the butt-kick you need to start DOING it.
15. Vigorous exercise of any kind.
16. Singing. ...I'm very serious.
17. This goes along the same lines as self-comfort, but...have a conversation with yourself. Write it out, if that's your thing. But here's the situation: your closest friend / family member has just come to you with complaints of depression, etc. Write out what you would say to this person--to YOU, to yourself. To the person who is suffering. Might not be your thing, but I've had it work for me in the past, not just because it reminded me of some deeply buried self-love that I'd forgotten, but because it forced me to step outside of my depression for long enough to deal with it as I would if someone else were having the problem.
18. Go grocery shopping <--I can't properly explain this one, but it's worked for me. There's just something calming about picking out food. XD;; Oh, but make sure you get a cart and are not lugging around a basket that makes your arms feel like they're going to fall off. Shopping should be a relaxing experience.
19. Go be with people. <--I know it's the last thing you want to do when you're depressed, but a thing about depression is how utterly isolated you feel. Being among people can sometimes help to lift some of that feeling.
20. If you have St. John's Wort or something similar, take a dose. But don't just do that. The thing about any sort of medication is that, while it can change the bodily things that are giving you these feelings, it isn't as effective if your mind is still clinging to the feelings. Do other things on the Action Plan list while you wait for it to kick in.
21. Research depression / read books or articles about it. <--Not only gives you an active stance on the issue, but shows you that others have gone through the same or worse and come through okay.
22. Consider medication as an option. Research it, talk to people who've used it, schedule an appointment with your doctor. Even if you don't want to go on anything, he/she can probably at least give you some useful information.
23. Remember that the universe is about balance, and for all the shit and darkness, there is always an equal amount of the opposite. You'll feel good again, maybe a lot sooner if you fight for it.
24. Most important of all. Remember that you are at your strongest when you feel the weakest and the most afraid, simply because it takes so much more effort to put one foot in front of the other at those times. What courage does it take to do anything when you're on top of the world? If you have depression and you're still alive, you're strong, and brave as hell to keep getting up in the morning and facing down those feelings. Keep fighting. I swear it's possible to come through it. Even if you don't feel it, know it.
Use this list, add to it, make your own. Keep in mind that the same things won't always work, and so that's why you need a list--things to do, things to try. Keep trying different things until something works.
Depression is a medical condition. It's nothing to be ashamed of and nothing about it is your fault. It doesn't make you weak or stupid or anything else you might feel. It's like any illness, and the best thing you can do is be ACTIVE. Take an active stance towards reading up on it, talking to people about it, finding out things you can do and ways you can fight it. You can't be stationary, and you can't wait around for someone to ride in and save you. Because at the end of the day, there's only you.
Speaking of books. Some of the ones that helped me when I was in the darkest places:
- The Depression Book, by Cheri Huber
Depression for Dummies, by by Laura L. Smith, Charles H. Elliott
When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron
If you have no cash and one of these books might make the difference for you, let me know and I'll buy it for you. We'll call it an early birthday/Christmas/Columbus Day present. I can't even begin to describe what a difference these books and ones like them made for me during times when I was depressed. Not only did they show me that someone else knew what I was going through, but that there were things I could do to get out. They gave me hope, corny as it sounds.
So yes. If you want one, I'll be more than glad to order you a copy. You can email me at tjhutchinson04 at yahoo.com if you don't want to ask in a comment.
Also, if you're interested in St. John's Wort tea, you can order some here, here, or here. Or google it yourself and explore your options.
Okay, and...I think that's it. For now, at least. There are probably a thousand other things and insights and the like that I came by during my experiences, but this will do for now, I think. Feel free to reply or discuss or...completely ignore me if you like. Whichever you'd prefer. ♥
...lj-cuts are nicer when they work. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
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RRrrrrrrriiiiizzzz. RRrrrrriiiizzzz.
This is all lovely advice. I can say that some of these had occured to me and some of them hadn't, although it's the kind of thing you read and say, "I should have known!"
I think it was excellent of you to write this all up. I do believe I will add it to my memories because scrolling back through the f-list is a pain in the ass.
You know what else? It's not really relevant to this post at all, but I have to go in 7 minutes and I just felt like I had to tell someone:
I'm happy. Not just your run-of-the-mill happiness, no. Way down deep, deep, deep inside the center of me, I am happy. I haven't been happy like this for a long time. I haven't let myself be happy.
Why? For a lot of reasons. My most recent post will explain it. Other than that? Because you're my friend. I mean, that's not the only reason I'm happy, but it's defenitely a damn good reason to have on my list. I just thought you should know :D. Yay~.
Liz! We're alive! That's totally excellent. I swear to God I am not high as a kite, even though I sound like I am.
Now. I have to go. I'm feeling very silly and I have to go. But I just wanted to tell you those things and say, "Go be happy, too! Even for just 5 minutes. Because, damn, it feels good."
I know I'm going to regret making this post later. But right now that's extremely amusing to me.
OKAY LEAVING FOR REAL NOW. XD.
I need a happy icon. Dang.